Never Take Your Shuichi For Granted
by pinkfluffybunny
Summary: One Messed Up Crossover between Gravitation /Weiß Kreuz. What happens when Bad Luck and Schwarz trade places? Yuki's in for a rough ride! For pairings and other info please read introduction
1. Default Chapter

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Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation or Weiß Kreuz they are the properties of Maki Murakami and Koyasu Takehito and project Weiß. I will not make any money off of these characters. I am just borrowing them for a little while. ^_; 

Introduction: Are you tired of Shuichi being treated like a door mat? Do you hate Reiji Takatori and want to see him get it good? Then this is the story for you! ~_^ This story is based off the animes but has merged with an alternate reality. There is some OOC because Weiß will be portrayed in a more humorous light. There are many inside jokes making it best if you've seen either series and mature situations including rape and voyeurism. Yaio content: The only pairings will be Yuki x Shuichi, Yuki x Farfarello, and Farfarello x Reiji. 

The characters will be changing bodies, but not voices, personalities, clothes or abilities. This may make the dialog seem confusing at times but bear with me, there's a reason for this. Example of this would be Shuichi changes with ??? (Can't tell you yet can I?) But when Takatori, Weiß, etc . . . sees him they will call him the new person's name. But Shuichi's friends who know about the change still refer to him as Shuichi even though he's in a different body. Hope you enjoy the story!!!

I will be posting the first six chapters today and if I receive four favorable reviews I will gladly post more by the end of the week. ^_^ Bye, Bye! (As the fluffy pink bunny hops away.) 


	2. Shuichi's Bad Day; The Start of it All

  
  


           Shuichi's Bad Day; The Start of it All 

Yuki Eiri stares out the window; the smoke from his cigarette permeates the air. "WHY! Can't I just love him like he deserves to be loved?" The novelist places his hands over his face as he reflects on his earlier treatment of Shindou Shuichi. 

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 The door flies open, "Yuki! Yuki!  We sold . . ." Shuichi is frozen in his steps, tears welling up in his eyes as he watches his lover embracing Ayaka and sharing a kiss.

Nakano Hiroshi walks away from the door, heartbroken and ashamed since he thought Ayaka loved him. He roams slowly down the street until he reaches his motorcycle. Unable to drive, he silently sobs on his bike. 

"WHY YUKI???I thought you loved me," Shuichi wails as he grabs his shirt, looking up at the handsome novelist with his puppy dog eyes. "GET OUT OF THE HOUSE NOW!" Yuki commands. Shuichi falls to his knees and cries, crawling to the door, unable to stand until he gets outside. Shuichi wanders aimlessly down the street. "Why does Yuki always treat me this way? How could he have an affair?" 

 Hiro notices Shuichi and approaches him. "Oy! Shuichi-kun," as he places his arm around his shoulder. "Let's get a drink somewhere ok?" Shuichi reluctantly agrees but tells Hiro he needs to go by the studio first. 

Shuichi bursts into the office of Seguchi Tohma, the president of NG records. Seated in the office is Fujisaki Suguru, Sakano and K the manager. "I have an announcement to make; I am quitting Bad Luck and moving back home with my parents." He abruptly leaves the office before anyone can talk him out of it. 

Seguchi san threatens Sakano. "If Shuichi quits, your job is on the line. They have a TV appearance in two days and I had to pull a lot of strings to get them on the air." Sakano bows and apologizes as he dashes out the door, Suguru follows and they head down the elevator, hoping to catch up with Shuichi. 

 Shuichi is climbing on the back of Hiro's motorcycle. "Wait up Shuichi! I need to talk to you," Sakano yells as he exits the building. Hiro interrupts "We are going to get a drink at the bar, follow us and we can talk there." Sakano and Suguru shrug their shoulders as they follow Hiro and Shuichi to the bar. 

"What Happened? Why are you so upset?" Sakano inquires. 

 (It's only been ten minutes and Shuichi has consumed one bottle of whiskey.) Sobbing uncontrollably he tries to catch his breath, "Hic up, Yuki doesn't love me any more and he's having an affair with Aya-chan." Sobbing more he begins to fill his shot glass with tears. "YUKI!!! YUKI!!! "Shuichi has another drink and passes out in the bar. 

Hiro begins to cry after downing his fifteenth shot. "This time it's true Sakano. Shuichi wasn't just being stupid. I saw it with my own eyes. (Slur) Damn you Yuki!  How dare you steal my Ayaka!" 

 Sakano grabs his hair "AHHHHH!!! NOOOOO!!! How am I going to tell Mr. President?" He grabs a shot glass and starts drinking. Suguru shakes his head and yells "How are we going to get home if you start drinking? I can't drive!" 

 Two hours later Shuichi is singing "99 Bottles of Beer" and everyone except Suguru is plastered so the establishment refuses to serve them any more liquor. "I think it's time for you and your friends to leave" the bartender suggests. "Go home and sleep it off, you'll feel much better in the morning." 

Shuichi threatens "If you won't serve us, I'll ruin your reputation!" Shuichi is dragged out kicking and screaming, and then is thrown into the street. He raises his fist at the bartender, slurring obscenities and kicking over a garbage can. 

 Suguru smacks Sakano on the head, "I told you not to get drunk. Our job was to talk Shuichi into staying. If K finds out, we're dead you idiot!" Suguru piles them into the car and recklessly drives home to Hiro's apartment. 

Next morning everyone except Suguru has a hangover. Shuichi and Sakano spent the night at Hiro's and they are all sprawled out across the floor. Suguru violently pounds on Hiro's door. "Let me in! We got to get out of here fast! I hear the helicopter coming and K's nowhere to be found." 

 Hiro complains "I need some aspirin! Oh my aching head!" A shot ricochets off the window and they all scramble to Sakano's car. "WE'RE GONNA DIE!!" As they speed off towards the interstate. "Where are we going to go?" Sakano suggests "The Museum of Ancient Civilization" K would never think of looking for us there.


	3. Operation Mess Up

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                           Operation Mess Up

 On the other side of town, Reiji Takatori assembles "Schwarz" his elite group of bodyguards. "I have a mission for you." Schuldig interrupts while smirking evilly "Do we get to frame Weiß today?" 

 "Shut Up! I have something more important than that! I want you to steal the "Aphrodite of Kyoto," an ancient fertility statue." "Schwarz" sweat drops and answers in unison, "HUH?" Brad requests "Could you repeat that? I want to make sure I heard you correctly Mr. Takatori." 

 Takatori resumes "The Aphrodite of Kyoto" has mystical powers of love and attraction to whomever possesses the statue. I'm getting rusty on my techniques of attracting women and with this baby I'll have all the women of Japan on their knees begging to be my bride! Mwaaahaaahaaahaaahaaa! 

Crawford laughs condescendingly "You expect us to steal this statue? What do we look like petty thieves?" Takatori screams "GET THAT STATUE NOW CRAWFORD! And never question my orders again." 

Schuldig complains "Who does he think he is? We don't even work for him! Where does he get off ordering us around like we're his slaves? I say we should sic Farfarello on him."

 Farfarello licks his knife, "I'm getting turned on just thinking about it." Brad interjects "Not just yet, Reiji Takatori will get what's coming to him. I see it in the future, Mr. Takatori's fulfillment of love. Hah! Hah! Hah!" 

They arrive at the "The Museum of Ancient Civilization" It's a large building on the East side of Tokyo. Approaching the door, they stall before entering the building. 

 "Nagi, why don't you go in and do it? You're a cute little kid so no one will suspect you unlike carrot top and fruitcake." Schuldig growls and punches Brad in the arm but Farfarello ignores the comment. 

 Nagi refuses "What do you think I am? Stupid? I know what you were planning to do. You were going to ditch me while I went in." Arguing ensues among three of the men over who will be elected to steal the statue. Farfarello aloofly awaits their decision. 

Four hours pass and they're still arguing over who will steal the statue. They have fifteen minutes left before the museum closes. They decide to draw straws and paper sacks will be placed over their heads before they enter the building. 

 Nagi notices the short straw and telepathically passes it over to Brad's direction. Brad foreseeing this event pushes the short straw over to Schuldig. 

 Schuldig who read Brad's mind could tell what he had planned and gives the short straw to Farfarello. 

 Farferello is excited as he anticipates his next move. "This will be fun!" Licking his knife and placing the bag over his face as enters the building.

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                       Brad, Schuldig and Nagi stand close to the doorway as Farfarello prances over to the statue. Brad notes while holding his temples, "This is not a pretty sight," as he turns to Schuldig and Nagi. "He better be quick! Too many people are staring in our direction." 

 Hiro nudges Shuichi "Hey Shuichi-kun, looked at that clown in the paper sack! He's more limp-wristed than you are!"

"WHAAAA! Why are you insulting me? I'm not that bad! I just lost Yuki! Are you trying to rub it in?" Hiro pats him on the head "Gomen, Gomen; I'm just trying to cheer you up."

 Hiro wonders "Who comes into a museum with a paper sack over their head?" Then looks over towards the door and sees three more people with bags over their heads. "Oops! I spoke too soon as he covers his mouth." 

Farfarello reaches the statue, "Huh? There are two of them. I wonder which one is the "Aphrodite of Kyoto?" Suki, what do you think? Yep, that was my choice too!" Grabbing the statue on the left, he runs towards the exit. 

 Attention Everyone! "The Museum of Ancient Civilization" will be closing in five minutes. Please make your way to the nearest exit. Thank you for visiting and please come again.

Shuichi, Hiro, Suguru and Sakano make their way towards the exit. An alarm is blaring, Beep! Beep! Beep! "Oops I did it again." Farfarello exclaims as he begins to run faster.

 Hiro smacks Shuichi upside the head and yells "Baka! What did you touch now? Come on! Let's get out of here!"" 

SMACK!! Shuichi collides with Farfarello, causing the statue to fly into the air. Brad, Schuldig and Nagi jump towards the flying statue and crash into Sakano, Hiro and Suguru. A strange sparkling dust sprinkles the eight men as the statue continues forward. 

 It hits some poor guy in the head, knocking him out cold and then shattered into a million pieces. The eight men scramble out the door leaving the unconscious man to take the blame.

The men from Schwarz disappear and Shuichi and the gang gather around the window, watching as the police arrive to apprehend the culprit. 

 "You thought you could get away with stealing the "Buddha of Transformation" huh?" The nerdy guy responds "I didn't do it, I tell you! It was some oddball in a paper sack! He framed me!" The Police handcuff him and drag him outside. "Sure, sure tell it to the judge." They throw him into the backseat of the squad car and drive away. 

 Shuichi whines "Can you believe that guy?! He was such an idiot! I can't believe he tried to rob the museum. Then you tried to blame me for it too, Hiro!"  Shuichi sobs loudly again. 

Hiro pats him on the head "There, there Shuichi-kun there's no need to make a scene. Come back to my place and I'll order us some pizza."


	4. Snap Crackle And Pop

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Snap, Crackle and Pop! 

"Sorry Mr. Takatori. . . Some little brat and his friends ran into us and broke the statue. I'm afraid your "Loving days" are over." As Brad hangs his head and smirks. 

Takatori retorts "Over huh?" as he pulls out his nine iron and grabs Schuldig by the collar pulling him closer. WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! Schuldig tries to shield his face but Takatori knocks him to the ground. 

Then he directs his attention to Farfarello who was obediently waiting his turn. Takatori wails away on his head and Farfarello smiles as he secretly enjoys this type of abuse. (That sick puppy, hah, hah) 

Reiji screams "You worthless piece of crap! Can't you do anything right?!" Shouting at Schuldig, who's lying injured on the ground. 

Nagi's surprised at Takatori's contempt for his orange-haired comrade, especially since he did nothing wrong. He telepathically makes Reiji drop the golf club on his foot as he helps escort Schuldig to back to his room. 

9:00 pm rolls around and Schuldig sulks while looking in the mirror "Man! This bruise just healed. What's he got against me? At least it's on my forehead this time." Intense pain fills his head as he screams in agony. "Ahhhhhhhh! Damn you Takatori! You gave me a concussion! I'll get you for . . . " Then passes out, falling off his bed with one foot and hand resting on the mattress.

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Meanwhile at Hiro's apartment the pizza has just arrived. Hiro shouts "I ordered this at 8:00 p.m. and what time is it now?! 8:54!! What took you so long?" The pizza delivery boy apologizes "I'm sorry sir; we're short handed tonight as our main delivery boy was arrested for stealing some statue. Please take this coupon for a free pizza, as our apology!" Hiro sweat drops as he takes the coupon. The delivery boy bows his head and quickly leaves. 

Shuichi opens the pizza and drools at the sight. "I'm starving! What about you Hiro?" Hiro knells on the floor with his head between his legs. Shuichi approaches him "Are you alright, Hiro? Maybe you should lie down" as he helps Hiro into his bed. 

Hiro apologizes "I'm sorry Shuichi, but for some reason I have a terrible headache but don't worry about me go ahead and enjoy the pizza. You can crash here again if you want." Shuichi hands Hiro a glass of water and some aspirin but Hiro passes out cold. Shuichi notes the time to be 9:00 pm. "Strange? Hiro's usually a night owl but then we did have a hard day." 

Shuichi decides to eat some pizza "Well I wouldn't want it to go to waste." He takes a thin slice from the box and eats it. After feeling guilty about Hiro spending his hard earned money and replaying Yuki and Ayaka's kiss over in his mind, Shuichi ends up eating all the pizza. "Maybe Hiro's right, I should go over there and retrieve my belongings from Yuki's house." 

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Nagi has just stepped out of the shower. He dresses himself in a white bathrobe. Putting on his best cologne and styling his hair he retires to his bedroom where soft music and a candlelight dinner await. 

It's 10:00 p.m. and he's a little worried. "I hope you haven't been waiting too long my darling." as he delivers a slow and passionate kiss to his blow up "Tot doll". "You know I've prepared your favorite dish "Strawberries and Whipped Cream" as he dips a luscious red strawberry into the cream and pretends to feed it to the doll. "I made sure to select only the sweetest strawberries, my love" as he leans over to stroke the hair, collapsing on top of the doll.

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As the clock strikes ten, Suguru's mom hollers "Suguru dear, it's your bed time." She gives him a kiss on the forehead. "Nighty night and don't let the bed bugs bite." Suguru blinks "Mom! I'm sixteen! Do you have to say this every night?" as he retires to his room and puts on a pair of striped pajamas. 

He sneaks down the hall, grabs a coke out of the fridge and goes back into his room. "It's too early to go to sleep so I'll practice our song for tomorrow." He plugs in his headphones so his mom won't hear him practicing on the keyboard. "Do re mi fa so" Warming up, he takes a swig of his soda and falls unconscious, spraying the coke all over the walls and himself.

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Back at Takatori Enterprises, gleeful giggles are heard down the hall. It's 10:30 p.m. and Farfarello is turning in for the night. Standing in front of his medicine cabinet he proceeds to take his nightly medication, an array of colorful pills. He looks in the mirror and tells himself "Open wide! Here comes the pill train, Choo, Choo!" as he shoves all twenty pills down his throat at once. 

He then calls out "Suki? Where are you my love?" as he searches around for his shiny knife. "There you are baby! Are you ready for bed? I'll let you be the dominate one tonight." He pets and licks the knife slowly. Abruptly he collapses to the floor, the knife narrowly missing his good eye. 

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Shuichi reluctantly opens the door while calling out Yuki's name. "Yuki? . . . Yuki? Oh good! He's not here. I'll quickly pack before he gets home." Shuichi sits on the couch as he writes an apology note. "Dear Yuki, Please forgive. . ." Shuichi passes out on the couch as the clock strikes ten thirty. 

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It is 11:00 p.m. and Brad, standing on the veranda, is smoking a cigarette and drinking a glass of wine as his thoughts drift off to the museum. "I wonder where that dust came from? It was a real pain to get out of my suit! And why in the world was it pink?" 

Brad gets a vision "Strange! I foresee that I'm not going to be myself tomorrow." "Damn! I have another headache! I hate getting visions!" as he returns inside and lies down on the couch. He closes he eyes as the world becomes hazy.

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Sakano nervously paces the floor. "What I'm I going to tell Mr. President tomorrow! I'm a failure! I couldn't get Shuichi to stay!" Buzzzzzz! The timer on the stove interrupts his thoughts as he pulls out his Banquet T.V. dinner. "Ahh!" he takes in the aroma while pulling off the plastic wrap. "I should enjoy this gourmet meal before I'm too poor to eat." 

Sakano finds a nice comfy spot on the couch and surfs through the T.V. channels. "Yippee! My favorite program! I can't believe it "The Facts of Life" is on at 11:00 pm." He returns to the kitchen and pours a large glass of iced tea. "This is the life! Facts of Life, Salisbury steak, and Iced tea! What more could a man ask for?" While digging into his Salisbury steak. SPLAT! Sakano lands face first into the dinner, gravy covering his glasses and splattering all over his hair and suit. 


	5. Yuki's Confession

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                                Yuki's Confession

 Yuki pulls into the driveway scowling . . .  Tatsuha scolds "If you treated Shuichi better we wouldn't have wasted four hours looking for him tonight. What happened between you two anyways?" 

 Yuki glares at Tatsuha. . . "The baka overreacted and I guess I did too. He's never stayed away from home this long before. What if he's lying dead in a ditch? What am I going to do without him?" 

 "Eiri, you still haven't told me what happened." Tatsuha demands "Details, details, I want to know everything."  

Yuki recalls the incident "Ayaka came over to visit me and told me she had some good news. She's finally gotten over me and wants to spend the rest of her life with Hiro. She got so excited that she hugged me and then kissed me on the lips when Shuichi came in the door. I got angry because he was throwing a scene so I told him to get out. You know I didn't mean it literally; I just wanted some time to cool down." 

Tatsuha scolds "Does Shuichi know this?" Yuki hangs his head "No, Normally he doesn't pay attention when I tell him to leave. Hiro was with him too and he didn't seem to have a problem about Ayaka and me."  

Tatsuha ponders "Hmm! I think you got that wrong. Now I understand why Shuichi and Hiro were crying in the bar. But I'm curious on why Sakano was drunk and crying? You didn't have anything to with that now did you Eiri?"  While Tatsuha nudges Yuki in the ribs. 

Yuki is confused at what Tatsuha is hinting at "Stop joking around! This is serious!" Tatsuha retorts "I am serious! I saw your little boy toy and his friend crying their eyes out at the bar and overheard something about an affair." 

  Yuki exclaims "What!! I think I really messed up this time. If Ayaka finds out we're dead!" Tatsuha screeches "What do you mean, we?"  

Yuki threatens "If you don't help me straighten out this mess, Ryuichi-kun will have to find out about your bed wetting days. You catch my drift?" 

 "I'll help! I'll help!" 

Yuki unlocks the door and notices Shuichi, curled up in a ball, fast asleep on the couch. Tatsuha chirps "It looks like I don't have to help you after all. Why don't I leave you two love birds alone and I'll try to find Hiro." 

Yuki looks tenderly at Shuichi as he strokes his cheek. He whispers softly in his ear "Baka! You made me worry. I'm so sorry Shui-chan." as he picks him up and carries him into the bedroom and places him on the bed. 

 "I'm going to work on my manuscript for a little while. You stay here and I'll visit you later and then we can make up for lost time." He kisses him gently on the cheek and leaves the room. 


	6. Reiji's Dirty Little Secret

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                         Reiji's Dirty Little Secret 

 It is 11:45p.m. as Reiji pulls out his log and goes over Brad's stats "Great in bed, different partner every week. The only problem I've noticed is the same technique. I have his moves down pat." 

 Turns to Schuldig's stats, Needs more practice in a couple of areas but solo he beats them all. 

 Farfarello: N/A I've heard noises but I don't really want to know. 

 Nagi: Great technique! He could teach those kids a thing or two. Only problem is he's never been with a real girl.  

         "Let's see, what's going on with Brad tonight? Wednesday is his usual day to get lucky. I wonder who he brought home this time?"  He checks the camera hidden in the shower head. "Hmm not here, what about the bedroom?" switching on the camera hidden in the underwear drawer. "Brad must have got a wild one, I bet they're in the living room getting down and dirty on the sofa." Reiji turns on the camera hidden in the expensive vase and observes Brad on the couch, he is glowing a bright gold. "Damn! I missed all the action!" 

             Reiji switches on the camera in Schuldig's room. "Knowing him I doubt there's anything going on." He turns on the camera hidden in his "Tomb Raider" poster located in the living room. "Huh? That's strange he's usually up playing video games or with himself." I doubt he's ever gotten past first base? Normally the only thing he does is play video games or wrestle on the ground with the girls he's brought home." 

 "Baka! What a waste! Especially considering the size of his equipment, he could get laid daily if he wanted." Switching on the camera located in the toilet paper holder he searches the bathroom for any signs of Schuldig. Reiji flips on camera three hidden in the light fixture and observes Schuldig on the ground, possessing the same golden glow as Brad. "Did he get lucky? Damn! I should have these cameras running twenty four -seven". 

He briefly switches on the camera in Farfarello's medicine cabinet but notices nothing out of the ordinary. He quickly switches to Nagi's room. 

"I wonder what game he's playing tonight." Reiji switches on the camera hidden in the rubber ducky. "I guess he's already taken his bath for tonight." Switches to camera two hidden in the living room T.V., "Note that all is quiet in here. I know where you are! Ah!" Reiji flips on camera three hidden in the eye of Nagi's blow up Tot doll. "There you are!  Ooooh! Ahhh! I'll write that down. I knew you wouldn't let me down Nagi!" As he observes his head in Tot's lap." Takatori observes Nagi exhibiting the same golden glow as the others.


	7. A Night To Remember; A Night To Forget

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      Change of Face: A Short Interlude 

The clock strikes midnight as the transformations take place. First Schuldig trades bodies with Hiro. Next Nagi switches bodies with Suguru. Then Brad exchanges bodies with Sakano and finally Farfarello swaps bodies with Shuichi. The eight men switch bodies but retain their same personalities, abilities, clothing and voices. (Not a good thing for "Bad Luck" wink, wink)  

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A Night to Remember; A Night to Forget 

Yuki finishes up for the evening and returns to the bedroom. He glances over at Shuichi and smiles as he removes his clothes and climbs into bed. Yuki does a double take. Huh? I thought Shuichi was wearing something different. Where did he get this outfit? He gently undresses him, noticing he has bandages wrapped around his arms and chest and covers him with the sheet. 

 Yuki climbs on top of his lover and passionately kisses his lips. Yuki notices a strange eye patch. Oh Shuichi, so you want to play pirate do you? Faint muffles of Suki! Suki! I love you are heard by Yuki. (Only Yuki thinks he heard Yuki! Yuki! I love you.) Remember you're the dominant one for tonight. Yuki smiles and think "Great! I've never seen Shuichi this bold before." Yuki freezes as he notices a gleaming knife in Shuichi's left hand. "Ah, a prop I see. You little devil you!" He carefully removes it from his hand and places it on the nightstand. 

Yuki gently but firmly has his way with Shuichi. Thrusting his tongue deep into his mouth he enters his lover. Shuichi you are very relaxed tonight. I've never been this deep before. Growl!! Growl!! So you like that Shuichi, as he increases his speed. Yuki continues nibbling on Shuichi's ear slowly licking his way to his chest. Yuki unwraps the bandages, binding his chest, with his mouth. Slowly licking his lover to ecstasy and ending with a deep overpowering kiss. Yuki rolls over holding Shuichi in his arms until he falls asleep. 

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Farfarello who was peacefully sleeping senses another presence in the room. Since he's drugged he finds it difficult to move or speak. He possessively holds his knife close to his chest. "Suki! Suki! I love you! Remember you're the dominant one for tonight." As he drifts back to sleep. 

 Some strange movements wake him up. He thinks to himself "Hey! Hey! What's going on here! I'm being pinned down and I don't like being pinned down. Growl, growl!!! Who is this strange guy and what's he doing with my ass?! More importantly, where's Suki?! (as he scans for his knife) Ick! Watch where you put that tongue! This better be over quick because I'm losing my patience!" Yuki finishes and falls asleep. 


	8. Who Am I ?

home-->           Who Am I?

Brad gradually wakes up, disoriented because his glasses are covered in gravy. "ACK! I'm going blind!" He removes his glasses. "Wait a minute! What the hell is going on here? Where am I?" 

He looks around for a sink to wash off his glasses. On the way, he trips over his pant legs. "What is wrong with this picture? This is my suit jacket and pants but it's way too big. Did I shrink?" After washing off his glasses he gets a good look at his surroundings. "This place is filthy! Dishes in the sink, trash on the ground! What kind of person lives like this?"

 After two hours of intense cleaning, Brad makes his way to the bathroom. After cleaning the mirror he stops to look at his reflection. Does a double take and realizes he is not himself anymore. (Brad remembers his vision from yesterday so he is aware that he has changed bodies but has no idea about the identity of the person.)

 "Who am I?" He goes searching through Sakano things until he finds out some information about him. "My Name is Sakano. I'm a record producer for a band named "Bad Luck" and I work at NG Records. This seems like it will be interesting. Hah! Hah! Hah!" Brad hops into the shower, changes into some clothes that fit then heads over to NG Records.

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It is 10:00 a.m. and Tohma is fuming, glaring at K. "Where are they? You told them they have a performance at 4:00 and there was a meeting at 8:00 a.m. sharp didn't you? If you don't have them back here by 11:00 a.m. don't bother coming back to work! I'll ruin you like I did ASK!"

K, armed with an AK47 hops into his car and heads over to Suguru's house. K knocks on the door and Mrs. Fujisaki lets him in. They go to his bedroom and find Suguru sprawled on the floor, covered in soda.

 Mrs. Fujisaki stops in the doorway. "Oh my Gosh! Is he dead?" K runs over to the boy. "Suguru wake up! Are you ok?" Suguru starts to wake up but is thrown over K's shoulder and placed in the car, wearing only a white bathrobe with coke all over his hair.

K tries to initiate some chitchat on the way over to Hiro's but Nagi is cranky and sulks in the backseat because he did not wake up to Tot's lovely face plus he has no idea who this strange man is.

 K is inquiring "What's wrong? Cat got your tongue?" Nagi teleports a small rock through the open window, hitting K on the side of the face. Ouch! I better keep the window closed. I've never had that happen before.

K reaches Hiro's apartment, knocks but there is no answer so he kicks down the door. Schuldig shouts "Oy Takatori! Just five more minutes, I need my beauty sleep" then nods off to sleep again. K picks him up off the bed and drags him out to the car. "We got to get back by 11:00 a.m. Dammit! So I don't have time to put up with your BS! Get in the car NOW!" As he shoves him in and they drive off to Yuki's.

K has twenty minutes left to get back to the studio. He frantically pounds on Yuki's door until he answers. "Come in. I'm glad you're here. I've been calling you all morning. I don't know what the hell is wrong with Shuichi but he's giving me the creeps!"

K and Yuki enter the bedroom and see Shuichi sitting there with a blank look on his face, licking a knife. He glares at Yuki sending him a look to kill. Yuki closes the door and they return to the living room.

 "I have no idea what's gotten into him. Ever since he changed into this weird bondage outfit he's been acting this way." K looks at his watch and interrupts "I don't have time to worrying about this. I got to get Shuichi to the office before 11:00." He grabs Shuichi and pulls him out to the car and drives away.


	9. Who The Hell Are You?

-->                 Who the Hell Are You?

Suguru yawns and stretches out into Tot's lap. "Huh? This is kind of squishy" as he's squeezes the Tot doll's bosom. "AHHHH! It's a girl! It's not what it looks like! Gomen! Gomen!" Suguru calms down when he realizes it's just a blow up doll.

 "K you really pulled a good one on me. Ha! Ha! Ha! You can come out now." Suguru looks around the room but doesn't recognize anything. It's a little scary being in here with all these pictures and dolls. He wonders "Who is this girl anyways?"

The door flies open and two strange men dressed in camouflage and armed with rifles drag Suguru out of the room and down the hall to Takatori's office. Suguru enters the office and Takatori comments "Ahh, got a little feisty last night I see" as he winks at Suguru, noticing his PJ's stained with coke. Suguru thinks to himself "Who is this strange man?" Is he the one with the sick obsession?

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The door flies open and hits Hiro in the head, knocking him unconscious as he's dragged down the hall by his leg. His shoe flies off and smacks him in the head again. The men put the shoe on his hand and throw him into Takatori's office. Suguru's mouth drops to the floor as he observes this display. Takatori commands "Ah just throw him into that chair over there, he'll wake up eventually. If that doesn't work, I always have my trusty nine iron and that will get him up."

 Mr. Takatori . . . Um sir. . . I think we made a mistake. "What do you mean?" Well he was sleeping on the ground and we didn't realize he was that close to the door . . . Er, I think we may have hit him too hard on the head. Takatori remarks "Well no great loss there. I bet he'll be up in an hour or two." Go get Crawford and (Shutters) Farfarello A.S.A.P.! Yes Sir! The men salute and run out of the office.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 Sakano has been up for a few hours and thinks the "Good Fortune Fairy" has visited him. He has a lovely apartment with a beautiful view and the most comfortable couch he's ever slept on. Right now, he's playing with the remote control for the massage chair, up and down, up and down . . . when he hears a loud knock on the door.

 A few minutes later Takatori's men unlock the door. Is every thing alright sir? Sakano yells out "Sure everything's great!" while he turns around to face the two men. Eyeing the rifle pointed in his direction Sakano panics. "AAAAAAHHHH!!!! Don't Shoot Me!" He drops the remote control breaking it in a million pieces. He begs "Please don't kill me!!" (Facing the men on his knees.)  The men mutter "I think there's something wrong with Crawford. He's never acted this way before and take a look at what he's wearing.

 The men observe the brown gravy-stained suit which is way too small on his tall frame. The pants are ripped along the inseam and the jacket is bunched up under his armpits. 

Come on sir, I think it's a good idea if we visit Mr. Takatori. Sakano meekly agrees "Who's Takatori?" By the way, did you see the "Good Fortune Fairy?" Takatori's men whisper among themselves "There is definitely something wrong with Crawford." I think he's been spending too much time with Farfarello and it's starting to rub off on him.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The men hesitate before unlocking Farfarello's room. "Here you do it!" "No way it's your turn!" The first man takes the keys and slowly enters it into the lock. Gulp! I hope he's still asleep. Remember what happened the last time? I still have the scars to prove it. The door opens and the men scream in unison AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

The screams radiate through the vents and Takatori sends more troops to investigate. The men whimper and are holding on to one another as the reinforcements arrive.

 Shuichi awakens WHAAAAA!!! I can't see out of my eye! Where am I?

 "Take it easy fellow! We're going to take you some place safe." Where's Yuki? "Oh, Oh Suki's gone. Mr. Takatori will help you find Suki. Just come with us."

 Shuichi squeals "He'll really help me find Yuki? Yippee!" Let's go! Shuichi jumps on the back of one of the guards. "AHHHHHHH He's trying to kill me! Get him off of me!" Shuichi's ignorant to the fact that they are talking about him. He only knows that some man will help him find Yuki. They arrive minutes later at Takatori's office.

Takatori chokes on his coffee "What in the Hell is wrong with you Crawford?! Tell me the meaning of this! Why are you dressed like some hobo off the streets?"

 The men interrupt "Um sir? We got a problem . . ." Takatori barks "What is it now?! This better be good!" The first man replies "Oh sir, this is good" as he whispers something into Takatori's ear. "Are you sure? Uh huh, I don't know where Suki went." Takatori screams "You better find that knife and you better find it now!!!" The second man comments "Oh by the way sir, here's Farfarello." As they push him in the office and run out the door. 

Hiro has just awoken to the most horrifying sight in his life. There is a scary looking man dressed in Shuichi's clothes. Suguru is cringing in fear and clinging to Sakano's leg. Sakano is trembling and confused as to why a strange boy is holding on to his leg. He remarks "Oh my gosh! I've never seen such an ugly drag queen!" Sakano smacks his head. "Oww. . .  please let this be a dream. ( He closes his eyes then opens them, seeing Farfarello still standing there) Noooooo! He's still here!" (Sakano sobs)

 Takatori is speechless as he takes in the sight. Farfarello is dressed in a rhinestone dog collar, a pair of magenta patent leather hot pants, matching short vest, a white lacy mid drift top, and a pair of magenta thigh high boots with straps. But that's not the scary thing, his bandages are gone exposing his scars and silver shiny nipple rings and to make things worse his eye patch is missing. Takatori feels woozy. "I need to go lie down and maybe I'll wake up from this horrible nightmare."


	10. Love Me; Love My Bandana

--> Love Me! Love My Bandana! 

K rushes to the tenth floor dragging Shuichi, Suguru and Hiro (who's still asleep) to the conference room. K's goal is in sight when he crashes into Sakano. K grabs Sakano by the neck. "Where on earth have you been?! I've looked all over for you! Seguchi-san is not happy and we have . . . (looks at his watch) Ahh! Five minutes! Go! Go! Go!" He orders while holding a gun to Brad's back. Brad throws K a creepy smirk which startles him momentarily. Then K pushes the remaining "Bad Luck" members into the conference room. 

Tohma glances at his watch "10:59, K-san you were cutting it close" while giving him a small smile. "Let's get this meeting started! Mr. Rudolph of "Twinkle Toes" choreography is here to work with you for today's performance."

 Mr. Rudolph is a middle aged balding man, wearing black spandex leggings and an oversized purple T- shirt tied up in a knot in the front. Brad and Nagi are appalled at this man's appearance and glance at him condescendingly.

 In a nasally voice he points to a video screen of "Bad Luck" in concert. "You there!" he points to Farfarello. "You're the lead singer right?" Farfarello responds "If you want me to be" (licks knife) Mr. Rudolph continues "I want you out there shaking your hips! And that outfit just won't do! Glitter! Glitter! That's what we want! You need to shine!" Brad takes note of Shuichi's outfit and realizes "I've seen that outfit before. Wait a minute! That's the brat we ran into at the museum! I bet it's all his fault I'm like this now. I'll have to pay him a visit after the meeting."

Mr. Rudolph moves on to Hiro. Schuldig has just woken up from his beauty rest and takes in his surrounding. He sees a bald man pointing in his direction. "Hey You! Guitar player!" Schuldig looks behind him and sees no one else there "You talking to me?"  Mr. Rudolph sarcastically remarks "Bingo Einstein! I think your bandana's wrapped a little too tight." Anyways you're going to be riding that guitar like a wild bronco! I want to see action! I want to see bump and grind!  I want to see you in tight leather pants, Flame! And lose the bandana for tonight."

 Schuldig protests "Excuse me! Love me! Love my bandana! Or no bronco riding for you twinkle toes!" Brad wonders "Hey! That sounds like Schuldig, only he would put up a protest to keep his bandana." Mr. Rudolph concedes and lets him keep the bandana. 

Mr. Rudolph moves on to Suguru. "I noticed in the video that you tend to hide in the background. Not today! I see something bright . . . Neon orange that's it! How about a solo! You can sing can't you? Nagi ignores Mr. Rudolph.

 Mr. Rudolph yells at Suguru "Earth to Suguru! Earth to Suguru! Is anybody home?" Nagi quickly turns around facing Mr. Rudolph with glowing red eyes. Nagi speaks "You have my attention now."

 K and Tohma look at each other because that's not Suguru's voice it's much deeper. Mr. Rudolph apologizes "I'm sorry it wasn't that important after all, continue what you were doing."

 Brad sees the boy levitating a pencil and wonders "Nagi? That was his voice but . . . Damn!! We all traded bodies, didn't we? But who's Farfarello and who's Schuldig? Oh that's right, the bandana. So the pink-haired one, is Farfarello. Oh so that's where I've seen that outfit before . . .  Wait a minute he's the singer! He can't sing!" 


	11. Mirror Mirror On The Wall; Who's The Sca...

-->Mirror, Mirror, On the Wall; Who's The Scariest Of Them All? 

Shuichi wails "WHAAAA!!! They promised you would help me find my Yuki! Come back here!" he screams at Takatori's retreating figure. Hiro mutters "Now I'm starting to hear things. That hideous creature over there is starting to sound like Shuichi." 

Suguru interrupts "Hey! How do you know Shuichi?" Hiro states "I am Nakano Hiroshi, guitarist of Bad Luck. I think I would know Shuichi better than you little boy." 

Suguru counters "Like Hell you are! I'm Fujisaki Suguru the keyboardist from Bad Luck and I would know what Hiro and Shuichi look like! And you two don't look anything like them!"

Hiro smirks "Oh yeah, let's have a quiz to see who's telling the truth! Who is Seguchi Tohma? 

Suguru shoots Hiro a knowing glance "Is that the best you can do? That's easy! He's my cousin and president of NG records." My turn now! You'll never guess this one imposter! What's the name of Hiro's girlfriend? Bet you don't know that one hot shot!

Hiro gives a dejected look "That no good novelist! Stealing my Ayaka-chan like that! Gee kid you had to rub it in didn't you? Try this on for size! What's the name of Shuichi's lover?

All three answer simultaneously "Yuki Eiri!" Shuichi runs over and glomps Hiro. "Yuki! Yuki!  Do you know where my Yuki is?" Hiro pushes him off "You're just a little too close for comfort" Shuichi backs off and cries "First Yuki, then Hiro! Now I'm being treated badly by people I don't even know!" 

Sakano looks at his watch "Hmm three minutes till noon. WHAT! Mr. President is going to fire me! I forgot about the meeting at eight o'clock." (Sakano starts crying)

Hiro calculates all the similarities and deduces that the "Drag Queen" is acting too much like Shuichi, the "Little Boy" like Suguru and "Mr. Suave Dresser" over here too much like Sakano. I'm afraid to look at myself in the mirror. What if we traded bodies with someone? And I'm worse off than Shuichi?" Speaking out loud "My hair looks orange! Little boy is my hair orange?" 

Suguru retorts "What are you colored blind?! Of course your hair is orange; it's so bright I could see you coming from a mile away!" 

Hiro bluntly states "The last time I checked, Suguru didn't have brown hair and yours is as brown as the mud on my shoe!"

Hiro grabs Shuichi by the arm. "Come on Shuichi were going to find a mirror!" Shuichi gullibly agrees "O.K! Who are you again?" Hiro smacks his head "I'm Hiro! You baka! Haven't you been listening?" 

 "Oy! Suguru! Why don't you take Sakano and go find a mirror too! We'll meet back up in a little while. 


	12. Brad's Plan

--> Brad's Plan 

It is 12:30 p.m. as the meeting reaches an ends. Mr. Rudolph clears his throat "Ahem, I expect all of you to be dressed and ready by 2:30! We have a rehearsal before the show and I do not tolerate tardiness! Good day Gentlemen! Oh by the way Shuichi, we need to schedule a fitting for you." Mr. Rudolph drags the boy away as the group leaves.

Brad lingers in the corner while plotting to himself "I really should talk to everyone and let them know what's going on." Brad smiles evilly "On second thought I'll leave Schuldig for last. Mwa ha ha ha! It will be interesting to see him squirm." 

 Catching Nagi's eye Brad motions for him to follow. Entering an empty room Brad approaches the young boy. "Nagi-kun I know it's you. Do you know who I am? Of course you don't." Brad chuckles but Nagi interrupts "Sorry to burst your bubble but I know it's you Crawford. (Brad sweat drops) Let me guess, we've traded places with those guys we ran into yesterday. Farfarello and Suki was a dead give away and do I have to remind you about the bandana? My only question is, do you think it's safe to let those two roam free?"

Brad explains "Trust me on this Nagi, I have it all planned out. We each need to play our part in this switch until I can get us back to normal. Besides it will be a great chance to take a vacation from Mr. Takatori." (Ha ha ha ha ha) Don't you agree Nagi? I think those bumbling idiots will keep him on his toes.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Handsome Devil 

Suguru drags Sakano behind him as they search for Nagi's room. "I know there was a mirror in the bathroom if I could only remember the room number." Suguru opens a few doors but nothing looks familiar. Hey I remember this number "Room 666." He opens the door slowly, sees a padded room with a straight jacket and quickly slams the door. "Oops wrong room" as they continue down the hall. 

They arrive at "Room 641" This is the room. Follow me! Suguru drags Sakano into the bathroom so he can see his reflection first. Sakano is still wondering about the Tohma -san and how he forgot about the meeting. (Sigh) "I'm through. . . Mr. President won't let this one go."" He looks up and sees a very handsome face in the mirror. He touches it. "Is this me? I can't believe how sexy I look. Thanks "Good Fortune Fairy!" (Strutting in front of the mirror) Maybe being fired wasn't so bad after all!"

Suguru smacks his forehead "Oh brother! I've created a monster. I should have left him in the dark about his appearance." 

He looks in the mirror himself "Well not bad! Not bad at all." Don't suppose this guy is the one with the obsession? What a waste! At least we all look better than Shuichi does. Poor Shuichi I wonder what he's going to think when he sees himself. 


	13. Pop Goes The Weasel

--> Pop! Goes the Weasel! 

Schuldig stops by the restroom "Man! I've been holding this in all day!" Unzips his pants and whips out his member. OOH! AAH! That's better. He looks down and notices something is not right. So he begins to examine his male organ. "What happened, Mr. Happy?  Did you shrink? I know you were much bigger than this! I'll have to measure you when we get back home because I know you were twelve inches before."

 I know you like I know the back of my hand. What about all the lonely nights we've spent together? We been together through thick and thin and you've never let me down before. Schuldig hears some noises and then the sound of a toilet flushing. He teleports into an empty stall and waits for the person to leave.

Tohma exits the bathroom talking to himself "I could have sworn I heard someone else talking in here" as he walks back to his office.

 Schuldig waits for awhile then reappears so he can wash up. He turns the water on and splashes his face, then takes a good look in the mirror 'AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! My hair!! My precious hair!!! Who dyed it? I've never dyed my beautiful hair and now it's ruined! Reiji Takatori! I know you had something to do with my Mr. Happy and my precious hair. You'll be sorry you messed with me and I'll get you back if it's the last thing I do!

Brad enters the restroom and drags Schuldig to an empty room. Brad laughs "You should keep your thoughts to yourself. You never know who might be listening. I doubt that you were ever a 12, maybe it is wishful thinking on your part."

 Schuldig demands "Who the hell are you? Hmm! Sadistic smirk, creepy stare . . . You're Crawford aren't you?

 I'm not myself am I? Oh Bradley! You should keep your mind sheltered. I know what you thought. (SMACK!) Trying to keep me in the dark!

Brad smirks "Oh but it was so much fun hearing you having a heart to heart with your "Bathroom Buddy" what did you call it "Mr. Happy? I couldn't interrupt you now, could I?

You should have seen the look on Mr. Seguchi's face when he exited the bathroom. I only wish I had a tape recorder so I could play the whole thing over for Nagi. 


	14. The Horrible Truth

--> The Horrible Truth 

Shuichi and Hiro have been wandering around for the last hour. Shuichi sees a room that looks vaguely familiar. "Room 666" Hey! That's the room I was staying in! Come on Hiro!" as he drags him in.

Hiro absorbs the surroundings, it is a padded room with various chains and hooks suspended from the ceiling. Blood stains and knife gouges cover the walls and there's a straight jacket in the corner. One single window illuminates the room but this is protected by bars.

Hiro questions "Are you sure this is the room you were staying in? Shuichi replies "I can't say for sure but the room number looked very familiar as I was being dragged out of the room.

I'm sure this room has a mirror. Come on don't be a scardy cat! They enter a small bathroom as Hiro turns to Shuichi "Let me go first Shuichi-kun. Better yet, maybe you shouldn't look in the mirror at all."

 Shuichi demands "Why Hiro? Is there something you're hiding from me?" Hiro insists "Just let me look in the mirror first." He takes a good look at his reflection. Looking Good! It's almost as nice as the original. This orange hair will take some time to get used to but other than that I like my new look. Hiro examines his face a little closer, I'm curious about this bruise on my forehead though. It looks like someone took a golf club and swung it into my face.

Hiro tries to block the mirror from Shuichi's view but Shuichi tricks him. "Look K's spying on us! You better duck because he's got a gun." Hiro ducks and Shuichi looks at his reflection in the mirror. He lets out an agonizing scream and falls to his knees. "Hiro Help Me! I can't breathe!"

 Shuichi is hyperventilating so Hiro searches around and notices a paper bag in the corner. Here Shuichi breathe into this. In! Out! In! Out! Take slow deep breathes. Hiro notices something odd with the paper sack. There seems to be an eye hole cut out of the top of the bag and it's covered in pink shiny dust.

 A light bulb pops up in Hiro's mind "I know what happened to us, we traded places with those weirdoes from the museum. I'm guessing from your bag Shuichi that you traded places with Mr. limp-wrist. No wonder why he wore that paper sack.  "Shuichi? Shuichi?"

Shuichi is in a daze as he blurts out "No . . . I'm, I'm . . . Yuki! . . . He . . . can't see me like this! Hiro, do you think I can improve myself? 

Hiro hesitates as he hands Shuichi the paper sack. Here, why don't you wear this for a little while until we get downtown and then we'll go shopping. That will make you feel better Shuichi. 


	15. Educating Farfarello

--> Educating Farfarello 

"Now stop that squirming! You're going to wear this outfit NOW! I didn't spend all day sewing this for nothing!" Fernando, the fitting room attendant, squawks.

He backs Farfarello up against the wall. "If you won't put this on I'll put it on for you!" Fernando yanks at his jacket and forces a pink glittery midriff in his direction. "And take off that ugly eyesore!" He reaches out towards Farfarello's eye patch and rips it off his face. 

Farfarello has reached the boiling point. "When did I become so weak? First I end up in a strange room with some man doing odd experiments to my body. Then today I have to put up with someone stealing my eye patch." Pulling his hair he screams "Suki Help Me!"

 His knife retracts and slashes at Fernando. "Hmm, that's strange I can see out of my left eye!" Ignoring the terrible commotion he has caused. 

Fernando staggers out of the dressing room and collapses at Mr. Rudolph's feet. "Fernando what happened? Someone call for an ambulance right away! I need a tourniquet! Someone bring me a tourniquet!" 

Five minutes later the ambulance arrives. (Three rooms down the hall, Brad, Nagi, and Schuldig sweat drop)Brad chokes "Cough, Cough! I think we better go and get Farfarello. I can't have him blowing our cover this soon." The three men leave the room. Schuldig teleports while Brad and Nagi sneak in among the commotion. 

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Schuldig appears behind Farfarello in the fitting room "Come with me, I'll get you out of here." They exit the room and find a quiet place to talk. Brad inquires "Are you Farfarello?" Farfarello stares blankly "Why do you ask?" (Licks Suki) Schuldig spurts "It's him alright! Nagi you explain things to him." Nagi sighs as he levitates a mirror in his direction. He brings it over to Farfarello "I suggest you take a good look at yourself." 

Farfarello stares in the mirror "Hey! That's the kid who ran into me yesterday! Hehehehehehe!" He tries to slash at his reflection but Brad stops him from hurting his body.

Brad explains "How should I tell you this? You have switched bodies with the kid. His name is Shuichi and I need you to try your best to act like him. So that means no killing and keep maiming down to a minimum." Farfarello sneers "Why should I listen to you? I've never seen you before." Brad rubs his temples "I knew this would be difficult. Nagi, could you explain it to him please?

Nagi looks at Farfarello "I know this is hard for you to comprehend but we're your fri. . . comrades. This is Brad, that's Schuldig and I'm Nagi." Farfarello senses their evil presence. "It is you! Suki told me I would meet up with you eventually." (Smiles insanely as he licks the knife)

 (Farfarello's mood changes) "Why did you abandon me?!!" The three Schwarz members look at one another. Farfarello has never been this emotional before as he rocks Suki in his arms and whimpers softly to himself. 

Schuldig stunned, looks at Brad and Nagi "Do Something Bradley! The idea of Farfarello being meek is not something I want imprinted in my mind." Brad counters "Me! You're the mind reader! You do something!" Schuldig inches over to Farfarello and kneels before him "Hey buddy! What happened? WHOO! Watch where you're swinging that knife there's no need to get hostile!" 

Farfarello whimpers "You'll really listen to me? Nobody ever listens to me!" Schuldig, while crossing his fingers behind his back, responds "Of course we will. What are teammates for? Just tell us why your acting so upset." 

Farfarello decides it's best to talk about it "Well it's a bit embarrassing to discuss." He whispers the event in Schuldig's ear which gives him a very graphic play by play of the whole scenario. Schuldig screams "AHHHH!!! I didn't need to see that much detail!" 

Farfarello inquires "What kind of experiments did that man do to my body? I don't remember too much about that night." Schuldig cringes in fear "Errrrrr!! You heard about the "Birds and the Bees" haven't you?" Brad shoots a strange look in Schuldig's direction. "Trust me you don't want to know!" 

Farfarello continues "Yes! Didn't Crawford say Weiß was a bee and they needed to be swatted?" Schuldig blinks "Eh! That's not what I meant. Didn't your parents ever talk to you about . . . Umm? Well you know about sex education, right?" 

Farfarello looks blankly "No, I've never heard of . . . what did you call it again, sex? What is this kind of education? It's it some kind of new torture technique?" Brad and Nagi shoot Schuldig a glare and he takes them aside and explains in detail what happened to Farfarello. 

Schuldig stammers as he tries to inquire about Farfie's experience. "Well have you ever pleasured yourself before?" Farfarello is clueless to what Schuldig means "What do you mean?" Schudig blushes bright red as he describes "Well have you ever touched your Winkie before?" Schuldig motions down towards his male organ. Farfarello questions " Winkie? You mean "My Lucky Charm?" Yes, but what does that have to do with sex?" 

Brad intervenes "This isn't going anywhere, let me try. Well . . ." Brad explains the birds and the bees in full detail but he still doesn't get it. 

Nagi tries a different approach as he approaches a chalk board and draws out a diagram explaining in detail what you place where etc. Farfarello nods his head in agreement that he understands but still doesn't know what this has to do with his "Lucky Charm." 

Schuldig smirks "I have a plan." He whispers the details into Farfarello's ear. I want you to do everything he did to you but you'll need to show you're the dominate one. Farfarello interrupts "Can I use Suki?" Of course you can use Suki. The rougher the better! One more question "Will this hurt God?" Yes! The more times you do it the greater the pain. There's one thing I want you to remember. You can under no circumstances do this to us. You can only do this to Yuki, the blond guy with whom you live. 

"Is he the only one?" Well let me think . . . It might be alright to do it to Weiß but I wouldn't recommend it. You never know where that Yoji's been. 

Nagi interrupts "What about Takatori?" A light bulb comes on in Schuldig's mind "Yeah!! Yeah!! Running over and high-fiving Nagi. That's a good one. The more times you do it to him the worse God will feel. Takatori will be very pleased with you too. When you are with him it's extremely important to be as rough as possible and use Suki on him multiple times throughout the night. Remember the more times you do it the better Takatori will feel. 

Brad comments "It looks like he won't need the "Aphrodite of Kyoto" after all! Ha ha ha ha ha! 

K spies on the four, from behind the door. He's using surveillance equipment and listens in but can't get a clear impression of what they are talking about. What? Yuki? Who's this Takatori and what does he have to do with sex? K hears laughter coming from the vacant room. He sticks his head in and rounds up the guys for the rehearsal.


	16. Operation Make Over

--> Operation Make Over 

Suguru decides he needs to get dressed. He looks in the closet to find rows of school boy uniforms. "Well I guess this makes choosing something to wear easy" as he takes one down and tries it on. Hmm, at least it's not a dress as he eyes the many pictures of Tot and the large blow up doll in the chair. With his obsession I would have thought the closet would be filled with blue wigs and women's clothes.

"Come on Sakano, we need to find Shuichi and Hiro." Both men wander down the hall when they spot a familiar pair. Hey Shuichi! Hiro! Over here! The men make there way over. "Shuichi, what's with the paper sack?" Shuichi sobs again "Whaaa!" Hiro explains "He saw his reflection in the mirror." 

Suguru gives Shuichi a sympathetic look. Hiro continues "I think we traded places with those men at the museum. My guess is this has something to do with the "Buddha of Transformation" We have to find Seguchi san and explain what happened."

Suguru shakes his head "No my cousin won't believe us! We need to form a plan first. Why don't we go to the library and do some research on the "Buddha of Transformation?" Maybe we can find a way to change back." 

Shuichi's cries are still heard. Hiro winces "I'm sorry Suguru but I promised I'd help Shuichi with his appearance. But if it's that important to you we can cancel our plans." Suguru hastely shakes his head "No, no, I think it's a better idea if you help Shuichi. Besides, Shuichi would probably get in the way. Why don't you take Sakano with you too so he can find a decent outfit? We might want to look our best when we meet up with Tohma. I'll go to the library myself."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Hiro, Shuichi and Sakano part ways with Suguru. Fifteen minutes later they arrive at the downtown mall. Sakano suggests "Why don't we meet up later at the food court, I want to look in this shop. Is three o'clock ok?" Hiro and Shuichi nod their heads yes and walk towards the escalator. 

A group of men are checking out Shuichi who has the sack on his head "Whoo Hoo! Nice legs Baby! I'd like to get a piece of that ass! Why don't you take off that bag so I can see your beautiful face?" Hiro flips off the men as he escorts Shuichi into the nearest beauty parlor. Shuichi inquires "Who were they talking too Hiro?" Hiro ignores Shuichi as he sets him in a chair. 

Hiro approaches the receptionist "Hello sir, May I help you? Hiro replies "I'd like to get a makeover." But you are so cute! I'd hate to see those lovely locks chopped. "Eh, it's not for me but for my friend over there. (Pointing his finger at Shuichi) Shuichi take off the bag."

 The receptionist sweat drops then goes to the rear and brings back Kevin. "This is our best hairdresser. If anyone can help you I'm sure he can." Kevin takes a good look at Shuichi and flinches. "Uh huh . . . Right this way." (Facing Hiro) "This may take awhile so I suggest you go look around." 

Kevin escorts Shuichi to a chair in the back and scolds "What have you been doing to your hair? It looks like you chopped it off with a knife. I'm not sure how much I can do for you. Do you have any suggestions? Shuichi answers "I'd like it dyed pink." Kevin blinks "Are you sure you wouldn't like a lovely shade of brown?" Oh No! Pink's Great! I'm sure Yuki will recognize me this way. 

(Two hours later Shuichi comes out to greet Hiro.) "Hiro, don't you think my hair looks better?" Eh . . . sure Shuichi. Hiro mutters to himself "I didn't think it could get any worse." Kevin boasts "I think he looks great! Wonderful color choice it brings out the yellow in his eye." Hiro directs Shuichi to wait outside while he settles the bill. Hiro snarls "No tip for you!" I wanted you to improve his looks not draw attention to his ugly face! 

They make their way over to the nearest department store. Hiro tells Shuichi "You wait here Shuichi-kun, I need to get something and I'll be right back." Shuichi looks around and notices this is the cosmetic area. "Hmm! I wonder if foundation would help these scars?" Shuichi browses the counters when he is approached by a cosmetologist "Would you like a free makeover? Come and sit over here, Miss." Shuichi glows and doesn't recognize his gender was mistaken. 

The cosmetologist gets to work. Thirty minutes and four foundation bottles later, Shuichi looks in the mirror, pleased with his new appearance. "This lipstick matches my hair. Wait until Hiro sees me." Shuichi purchases $200.00 worth of foundation. 

"Please charge this to Mr. Yuki Eiri." Shuichi hands over Yuki's credit card. The cosmetologist whispers "I'm sure your boyfriend will like your new look. (Winks) Please come again!" 

Hiro spies Shuichi at the cosmetic counter "Oy Shuichi kun! Over here!" Shuichi runs over to Hiro "How do you like my new look? Do you think Yuki will recognize me?" Hiro laughs "I think we need to wipe off that lipstick. With those lips it really draws attention to you. Oh I almost forgot! Here you go try this on, as he pulls out a brown wig, cut in Shuichi's normal style and then places it on his head. 

With the new improvements, Farfarello's body actually looks good. Hiro suggests they leave but Shuichi is not finished shopping "Go ahead Hiro. There are a few more things I need to buy. I'll catch up with you and Sakano in a little while."


	17. Kiss Me Kill Me I Can't Sing

--> Kiss Me, Kill Me; I Can't Sing! 

It is 2 and a half hours before the live broadcast begins while Farfarello, Nagi and Schuldig are positioned on stage. Schuldig and Nagi study their instruments while Brad observes from the side lines. 

"This will be easy! Schuldig knows how to play the guitar and with Nagi's ability to adapt to things he'll be playing the keyboard in no time. I'm only worried about Farfarello." Brad stares at his insane teammate. He shutters at the thought of Farfarello singing after hearing a clip of the real Shuichi. "It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that he's not Shuichi. Even though I warned those two to keep Farfarello distracted I'm still worried about Mr. Seguchi, if my predictions are correct . . ." 

Brad is interrupted as Mr. Rudolph starts the rehearsal. "Alright everyone take your places! We'll begin on my count, Two . . . three . . . four . . . action!" Multicolored lights fill the stage as Nagi and Schuldig begin tuning up their instruments. 

Unknown to the band, K, Tohma and Yuki are secretly viewing them from the sound proof booth above the stage. Brad eyes the three men cautiously. K comments "Hey is it just me, or is Sakano acting a little too calm and collected? Normally he'd be a nervous wreck." Tohma and Yuki stare at K in disbelief. Yuki snaps "What are you talking about!  Sakano and calm? Those two don't belong in the same sentence!" Directing his attention over to Sakano, who's calmly sitting in a chair drinking a cup of coffee. (Yuki blinks)

 The trio waits patiently for the song to begin as Yuki comments "I bet the baka wrote some stupid lyrics again. He should have let me help him for something this important!" He turns to Tohma "They're supposed to perform a new song right?" Tohma smiles warmly at Yuki "That's right, but I haven't heard it yet. Sakano explained to me that Shuichi wanted to surprise us." The two men continue to talk ignoring K. 

K notices something strange as he watches Suguru practicing. "What in the world? I must be seeing things, for a moment there I thought I saw Suguru playing the keyboard without any hands." He laughs out loud causing Yuki and Tohma to stare at him but the men quickly avert there attention back to "Bad Luck" as the song begins. 

The music is very dark and almost gothic-like. Tohma notes "That's not their style! Shuichi better not . . . " as Yuki interjects "Let them continue, I could get use to this new tune. This song sounds like it might have some promise." While he silently hums along. 

Two minutes pass as K addresses Tohma "That's a long introduction. When is Shuichi going to sing?" 

Back on stage Schuldig sends Nagi a mental message. "Remember do not let Farfarello sing! Bradley will skin us alive!" Nagi and Schuldig continue to play the same riff over and over again. But this does not escape Tohma's attention who demands "Stop fooling around Shuichi and sing!" 

Farfarello has been waiting for this moment as he gleefully licks Suki and announces "I dedicate this song to my beloved Suki." (Yuki thinks he's heard Yuki again and proudly beams.) Schuldig and Nagi mouth to each other "We're screwed!!!" As they continue on and Farfarello begins to sing (in his raspy voice) "Kiss Me! Kiss Me! (Singing out of tune) KILL ME!" All the windows shatter. 

K, Tohma and Yuki stare at Shuichi with their mouths dropped to the floor. K screeches "What happened to his voice?! It sounds a little strange?" Yuki glares at K "Strange?! You mean horrible! How can Rudolph be dancing down there!" 

Tohma tries to look at the situation optimistically "Well once you get use to it, the songs not too bad . . . If worst comes to worse they can always play "Rage Beat", "Super Drive" or "Spicy Marmalade" 

Brad spies on the three as writes down the songs. "I'd better call for a ten minute break." He then motions for the three to come over. 

Nagi and Schuldig drag Farfarello away from the microphone and head over to Brad. Nagi and Schuldig are relieved as they rub their ears. Brad faces the three and declares "I have a plan, Nagi, you can project your voice can't you?" Nagi smiles and nods his head. Schuldig catches on to Brad as he interrupts "Hey Nagi why don't you sing for the performance? I'll manipulate the minds of the audience and make them think they hear Shuichi! He he he he he. . . good one Bradley!" 

Brad then faces Farfarello "I have a mission for you and it's very important that you follow my instructions. I want you to read these lyrics and make your lips move but whatever you do, don't sing for the T.V. performance!" 

Farfarello questions "But what about the other instructions you told me? I thought you wanted me to act like Shuichi? I haven't even sung my most favorite song. "How to hurt God" He licks Suki and giggles insanely. 

Brad thinks "Umm, well you see . . . Mr. Seguchi! That's it Mr. Seguchi wanted us to perform "Rage Beat" and wanted Nagi kun to sing a solo. You remember what Mr. Rudolph said don't you?" Farfarello remembers the earlier meeting and agrees to Brad's instructions. 


	18. Mind Control And Bronco Riding Don't Mix

--> Aloha Crawford 

Shuichi finishes his shopping and makes his way over to the food court. "Oh boy! Yuki will really love my surprise! I only hope he'll still talk to me" Shuichi sighs depressingly. Out in the crowd he spots Hiro who has a concerned look on his face. Hiro is pointing a finger at Sakano who's now sporting an oversized Hawaiian shirt, cargo shorts and a pair of thongs. Hiding behind a potted plant Shuichi eavesdrops on his two companions. 

"Is that the best you could do?!" Hiro shakes his head. Sakano replies "I looked all over but couldn't find a suit in my size. You're lucky because there's not much difference between you and the guy you switched with." Hiro inquires "Why didn't you just check the closet in the room you were staying in? I'm sure there was something for you to wear."

 Sakano answers while sweat dropping "I did but those white suits were too nice looking. I just couldn't bring myself to put one on. You should have seen them, Hiro! (Sakano's eyes get starry) They were so pretty and all very expensive looking." 

Shuichi decides to join in "Hey you guys!" as he jumps out from behind the bush and grabs Hiro. This scares the poor guy since he's still not use to Shuichi's appearance. Sakano suggest "Why don't we go find Suguru? I'm sure he's found some information by now." The three head over to the library.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________

Mind Control And Bronco Riding Don't Mix! 

Everybody put your hands together for "Bad Luck"! The live studio audience is screaming uncontrollably as the music begins. 

Farfarello lip syncs as Nagi throws his voice. Mr. Rudolph screams out "Ride that guitar!!!" 

Schuldig mutters to himself "Dammit! I can't do three things at once! Why don't you try mind controlling, bronco riding and playing the guitar at the same time!" He starts thrusting the guitar back and forth between his legs while trying to brainwash the audience. "Man, this is tiring! How many songs do we have to do? I'm glad I don't do this as a profession!" sweat is pouring off the side of his face. 

Yuki, K and Tohma conversed among themselves but was not paying attention to the band. "Everything seems to be going great! Shuichi sounds wonderful!" Meanwhile the home audience watching the program hears Nagi's voice which is not as energetic as Shuichi's. 

__________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

Shuichi and the gang are about to enter the library when they hear a familiar tune. Hiro shouts "Hey wait a minute! That's our song!" as he grabs Shuichi by the arm and runs into the T.V. / Stereo Shop. They stare in amazement as they see themselves performing "Super Drive". The music is pretty accurate but the voice is definitely someone else's. 

Sakano joins the two "That's right; today we had a live television performance. I tried to tell you this the other day . . . "Shuichi and Hiro scream simultaneously "Live T.V. performance!!?" 

Shuichi then observes his counter part "How can the audience be cheering that poser! He sounds a little gloomy to be me!" He inspects himself closer as he note "Oh I'm suppose to wear an eye patch and gloves! Good idea, I'll look for some when I get back to the room." 

Hiro takes a good look at his double "What in the hell is he doing to my guitar! Is he trying to ruin my reputation!!? I only hope Ayaka-chan doesn't see this." 

Shuichi grabs Hiro out of his thoughts and points at the screen. "Look Hiro! Look! It's Suguru and he's wearing a bright neon orange suit! Good thing the real one not here to see this." Hiro agrees "Yeah, I know what you mean." 

"Those imposters sure have some weird habits . . . Look at mine! He seems to be riding my guitar like some kind of pervert! What a sick and twisted individual! How dare he try and ruin my wholesome image!" 

Sakano interrupts the two as he pulls them out of the store and into the library. They notice Suguru in the reading room and head over to meet him. Sakano questions "Did you find out any information?" 

Suguru pales and faces the three "I got some bad news guys. Well you see . . . there's no cure for the "Buddha of Transformation" . . . it just wears off and eventually you return back to normal. Shuichi pipes in "Really? That doesn't sound so bad." Suguru continues "Well I don't know how to tell you this but the effects can last anywhere between a few days to a few years." (All three men scream)


	19. Prelude To A Night Of Terror

Prelude to a Night of Terror 

After four songs the T.V. performance went off convincingly. Tohma congratulates the four "Nice Job! I'll see you later." As he leaves with K. 

Yuki approaches Farfarello "Shuichi, you guys did great!" He comes up behind Shuichi and gives the smaller man a hug, turning him in and drawing him close. Yuki delivers a long deep kiss. (Farfarello's eyes are bugging out) 

Farfarello tries to push him off but his new slight build doesn't budge the novelist. This tickles Yuki as he chuckles "Trying to be playful Shuichi kun? You should wait until you get home but I'll leave you with this." Giving Farfarello another kiss and patting him on the rear. 

Brad and Nagi stare in amazement and Schuldig snickers "I see he'll need some help," as he teleports away. 

Yuki whispers to Shuichi "I'll see you tonight. Then we can do a replay of last night's activities." Yuki winks as he leaves through the door. 

Brad ponders out loud "It's best to let sleeping dogs lie." Not wanting to think about Yuki and Farfarello. 

Farfarello is angry at Yuki as he threatens "You will pay! I don't want to be your victim anymore!" In his rage he throws Suki at Yuki's retreating form. Only Suki, ends up embedded in the door. Realizing he threw Suki, He runs over to the door. "I'm sorry my precious baby!"(Petting and cradling his knife.) That Yuki will pay twice! Nobody gets away with hurting my precious Suki! 

Schuldig returns carrying a bag and throws it over in Farfarello's direction. "Here I thought you might need these for tonight." 

Farfarello looks in the bag and sees 2 pairs of handcuffs, a whip, rope, gag, blindfold, and a package of candles. "Ooh Goody! Torture devices. Ehe he he he he! I get to play my favorite game "Pain and Punishment", licking Suki and staring at Schuldig. 

Schuldig motions him over "Don't worry I'll be there to talk you through the whole thing. You'll know everything you need to know before you get to Reiji. (Smirking evilly while staring at Brad.) "Crawford and Nagi are going to be there for moral support too. And Crawford might have a few tips he'd like to share. "Right Bradley?" 

Brad and Nagi sweat drop. "Oh No! Yuki's in for a rough ride tonight! Once Farfarello gets started there's no turning him back.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

House Arrest 

Sakano, Suguru, Hiro and Shuichi finally return to the tall looming building known as "Takatori Enterprises". Hiro bonks Shuichi on the head "I told you we should have taken a left at the stop light. But you said "Hiro turn right! Turn right! I know my directions!" If we had followed mine we wouldn't have wasted 2 hours!" Shuichi whines "Did you really want to come back here? That old man was scary! And he lied to me about finding Yuki!" 

It is now around 8:00pm as two armed men approach the four. "Come with us! Takatori want to see you in his office right away!" The four men follow the two armed guards to the office. 

Reiji is not pleased as the four make their entrances. "Where in the hell have you been Crawford! I've been paging you all day!" Reiji studies Crawford's attire "And what in the hell do you call this outfit your wearing!!!?" 

Sakano looks behind him trying to figure out who "Crawford" is since the old man is staring directly at him. Reiji continues "We had an important mission and thanks to you four it was ruined!" I expect all of you to be in my office at 8:00 am sharp and you better be looking presentable!" 

Takatori pulls out his golf club while eyeing Schuldig. Hiro is smart and jumps out of the way causing him to break his own window. Reiji livid, charges in at Farfarello. Shuichi screams and cowers in fear. "Please don't hit me!" 

Farfarello's remark freezes Reiji in his tracks as he drops his golf club. "I'd better leave him alone tonight; he's not acting like his normal self." Takatori hollers at his two guards "Have you found Suki yet?! That knife's important for my mission tomorrow! You better have a replacement before then! Also I'm placing the "Schwarz" under house arrest. Make sure they do not leave the building under any circumstances!" 

The two men salute Takatori "Yes Sir!" Then take the group to their respective rooms.


	20. The Silent Treatment

--> The Silent Treatment 

It's 12:30 am and Yuki is worried because Shuichi hasn't returned home for the evening. He is about to go searching for Shuichi when he receives a phone call. (Ring, ring . . .)"Hello" Hi Eiri-chan this is Tohma. Shuichi is still here at the studio and he's been acting a little strange. I think it's best if you come and pick him up. I'll be closing up soon so if you can get him now I would really appreciate it." Yuki answers "Sure Tohma it would be no problem." Tohma ends the conversation "Thanks Eiri-chan! I hope you have a nice night and I'll see you soon." Yuki hangs up the phone and fumes "Shuichi's been at the studio the whole time!" He grabs his keys and heads to his car. 

Ten minutes later Yuki arrives at the T.V. station. The building is dark as he makes his way to the top floor. Finding Tohma he asks "Where is he? I looked all over but didn't see Shuichi. Did you send him home already?" Tohma shakes his head as he drags Yuki to a vacant room across the hall. He whispers into Yuki's ear. "He's been acting this way all night." Yuki sees Shuichi pacing back and forth and occasionally licking a shiny object. Yuki remembers "That's the knife he had yesterday! How'd he get it back after I threw it away?" 

Yuki glares at Shuichi as he makes his way across the room. "Let's go!" he harshly tugs at Shuichi's wrist but Shuichi gives him an eerie smile and grabs his bag of tricks as they head for the car. 

Farfarello climbs into the backseat staring at the back of Yuki's head. This causes Yuki to feel very uncomfortable. Looking in the rear view mirror he notes to himself "When did Shuichi become so intimidating? That shadow makes him seem a little creepy." Yuki pulls out a cigarette and coldly questions Shuichi about his attitude problem. "You can quit the act with me! You know nothing about the silent treatment! If you want silence I'll give it to you!" The car is quiet for the remainder of the ride home. 

Farfarello in the meantime thinks "Silent treatment? Am I supposed to talk to this Yuki? Crawford told me not to say anything! And he wouldn't lie to me! Yuki will feel my wrath tonight . . . oh yes, Yuki will be sore in the morning! Ehe he he" 

They return home and Yuki slams the door as he exits the car. Yuki sneers "If he's going to give me the silent treatment then he can forget about tonight!" Not acknowledging Shuichi he retires to his bedroom and locks the door. Farfarello smiles as phase one of the plan works. 

Schuldig has hi-jacked a car as he motions for Nagi and Brad to get in. They follow Yuki home staying well hidden. Parking two houses away they wait for the signal when it's safe to enter the house. (The light's are flashing on and off at Yuki's place) "That's the signal you guys! Let's go!" The three arrive at the complex moments later. 

Brad, Nagi and Schuldig are dressed in sleek black outfits as they quietly enter the house. They spot Farfarello and equip him with an earpiece. Schuldig decides to go over the "mission". He pulls out a diagram named "Operation: Yuki gets it good!" Quickly running through the plan he assigns positions. "Nagi!, Brad! You two will keep watch out front and make sure that no one interrupts. (A small smile appears on his face) "I will observe from the balcony." 

Going into more detail Schuldig points to a few stick-like figures on the diagram. "See this? Brad will be here. (He points to a long skinny figure with over sized glasses) Nagi over here (then points to a little stick figure) and I'll be here (finally pointing to a stick figure with wild hair). Farfarello, you will be in this room. (The diagram shows a badly drawn replica of Yuki's bedroom, there is a blond stick figure tied to the bed, he has another stick figure with an eye patch behind him with the caption "censored: Ride me like a bronco!" Brad will be able to give you instructions over the head set." 

Brad interrupts "Why don't you give him the instructions since you'll be able to see what's going on from the balcony?" Schuldig stammers "Well . . . um . . . I have to make sure Farfarello doesn't hurt Yuki too much. You wouldn't want the police involved now would we Bradley?" Brad agrees thinking about how out of control Farfarello can get. They assemble in their assigned positions and wait for Farfarello's signal.


	21. Beat The Crap Out Of Reiji Takatori

-->                      Beat the Crap out of Reiji Takatori!

Reiji gets into his nightly routine as he pulls out his log and turns on the cameras. "Well tonight there shouldn't be too much activity especially since they're under house arrest. But I can always count on Nagi. Let's see what he's doing right now." Reiji accidentally switches on the camera in Farfarello's bathroom and sees an interesting sight.

Shuichi is trying on his new present for Yuki. Shiny gold nipple rings with red rhinestone hearts. They are extremely large and Shuichi is standing in front of the mirror jingling them back and forth.

Reiji hears a muffled conversation "Oh Suki (It's really Yuki) will really love these" as Shuichi rubs his hands all over himself. Ohh Suki! I know how kinky you like to get. Shuichi blows a kiss and places his finger in his mouth; gently sucking on it as he's primping in front of the mirror.

Reiji is getting turned on watching Farfarello. Shuichi is interrupted by a knock on the door.

Reiji screams at the camera "Hey! Hey! Get Back Here Farfarello! I'm not through watching you yet!" Disappointed, Reiji switches the cameras over to Nagi's room.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Shuichi answers the door shirtless. Hiro is standing there and sweat drops. "Aren't those a bit big?" Staring at Shuichi's nipple rings. Shuichi beams "Yuki will love these don't you think?" (Jingle, Jingle) Hiro points out "Well Shuichi I think it's customary to wear a small, unobtrusive ring like the one you were wearing earlier." Shuichi explains "But Hiro those rings were tarnished and ugly. I can't have Yuki seeing me wear something like that, these are much cuter. What brings you by my cell anyways?"

"Well I was really bored and thought you'd be too." Eying Shuichi's room he suggests "Why don't you come over to my place. I found some video games we can try." Hiro grabs Shuichi's arm and drags him to his room.

Shuichi enters Hiro's room and is bewildered as he looks around the place. "I'm curious why a grown man would decorate his house with video game posters and camouflage. I'd go crazy if I had to stare at olive green all day!"

Shuichi explores the house as Hiro is setting up the game system. "Hiro, the bathroom and bedroom aren't any better but at least you got a kitchen and living room." Reflecting on his white padded room and the awful dinner they expected him to eat.

"Hiro, do you have anything to eat in the fridge? For dinner tonight they left me lima beans and a very bloody steak. I tried to eat it but it made me sick."

Hiro gets up "I haven't eaten myself. Let's go see what's in the fridge." Hiro pulls open the door and stares in amazement. "Look Shuichi! We hit the jackpot!" The fridge is stocked with beer and nothing else. Hiro pulls out a can "What kind of beer is this? It looks German but I can't tell. Shuichi, do you want one? I'll check the cupboard and see if there's any food there."

Hiro finds a box of "Macaroni and Cheese" in the cupboard and proceeds to make it. "Shuichi, why don't you look through the games and find something for us to play!" About ten minutes later they eat dinner then Hiro and Shuichi return to the living room with two six packs of beer. Hiro jokes "This should keep us busy for awhile!" (Nudging Shuichi, as he sits on the floor beside him.)

"I found these games Hiro; (who hands them over in Hiro's direction.)" Hmm "Beat the Shit out of Reiji Takatori", "50 Ways to Torture a Weiß Member", and "Spank the Monkey" Hiro stares at the last game. "What kind of games are these?" Picks one up and turns it over. Made in Germany Huh? (Looking at the back of "Spank the monkey") I didn't know they were so liberal there." Hiro throws that game back into the drawer and asks Shuichi to choose which game he wants to play first.

Shuichi picks "Beat the Shit Out of Reiji Takatori" Hiro puts the game into the machine. "Damn! It's all in German, but look here Shuichi they have characters that look like the men we traded places with. Let's try Suguru's and Sakano's doubles first." 

 Shuichi picks Suguru's character (AKA Nagi) and a bunch of mini Reiji Takatori's attack. "Hey Hiro! Isn't that the old man who tried to beat you up with a golf club?" Shuichi ends up pushing the right button and Suguru ends up levitating the mini Reiji into the air and then blows him up. "Whoa this is cool! Hiro it's your turn."

 Hiro picks Sakano's character then pushes the button "Hey Shuichi he talks" The two wait and listen closely "Mr. Takatori, Looks like your "future" ends now!" Brad Crawford turns around slowly, smiles and then blows off Reiji's head with a gun.

Shuichi is excited "This is so cool I want to try out my character! I bet he's as cool as those guys!" Shuichi switches characters and equips Farfarello. The game starts but he can't control his character. "What wrong?! Is the controller broken?" Farfarello charges and starts to hack at the mini Reiji's with a knife. Then after killing them, he starts pulling off his wraps and begins stabbing himself to death. This ends the game saying "Ah too bad . . . You chose the wrong character." 

Shuichi who is now drunk cries and Hiro grabs the controller. "I'll try my guy." (Equipping Schuldig.) "Wow! This is cool! Look what I can do Shuichi!" They both watch how the character moves. He jumps extremely high, teleports, etc . . . an orange button is blinking so Hiro pushes it. A golf club appears. "Hyper Swing? What's that?" Hiro pushes the button and Schuldig starts smacking the mini Reiji's left and right. Heads are flying off; blood and guts spew all over the place. He finally makes it to the Big Reiji boss. The Reiji is helpless as Schuldig ties him to a tree and starts beating him with the golf club. (Triple points for hitting him in the balls.) Shuichi exclaims "This is the bloodiest game I've ever played! I wonder where he bought it?"

They try to play "50 Ways to Torture a Weiß Member" but they are too drunk to figure out the controls "Hey Hiro! That Omi guy looks like someone we've seen before; do you know who it is?

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________


	22. Oh Baby! A Schuldig and Farfarello Lemon...

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Oh Baby! A Farfarello and Schuldig Lemon (Not!) Reiji's Twisted Fantasy

Reiji fumes in frustration. He's been spying on Nagi for a half an hour. "Why isn't he playing with Tot? He's been on the internet all night. I just don't understand! Maybe if he was checking out some XXX sites I could see that but he keeps looking at a small Buddha statue. Reiji decides to go out on a whim and checks on Brad.

Switching the cameras over to Brad's room, Reiji observes Brad dancing around the living room like a maniac. He's twirling and spinning in front of the television. Takatori takes great interest in this. "What is he doing? "Bad Luck" Why is Crawford watching them? Is he having an early mid-life crisis? He normally listens to Classical and Jazz, not teen pop music."

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Shuichi and Hiro have finish off the two six packs of beer. They are very drunk and not thinking too clearly. Hiro stumbles over to the closet and pulls out a box of bandanas.

"Shuichi-kun, (Hic Up) would you do me a favor? I want you to put my hair up. (Hic Up) You see . . .  (Hiro sways to the left, trying to regain his balance)  . . . I'm not use to these bangs. They're thicker than my normal ones and keep getting in the way of my eyes. Will you fix them for me? (Looks hopefully at Shuichi)

Shuichi slurs "Sure Hirooooooo! What are friends for? Will you let me decide on the style? I know the perrrrrrrfect way to keep them out of your face." Shuichi grabs a brush and stumbles over to Hiro.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Back at Reiji's office the atmosphere is not pleasant. The older man insists on watching Nagi and Brad, and even returns back to Farfarello's room. He is about to give up for the night when he remembers Schuldig. (Muttering out loud) "Damn! I must be getting really desperate if I'm turning to him. He switches on the camera, starting with the bedroom first but neglects to turn on the audio.

"Hmm? That's strange, I must be dreaming. For a moment there I thought I saw Farfarello. (Reiji pinches himself and notices that Farfarello is still there) "What in the world is he doing in Schuldig's bedroom, much less apartment?

 It looks like he's petting Schuldig's hair! Maybe I should watch this." Dirty thoughts emanate from Reiji's mind of the two men in an intimate position. He envisions the two caressing each other's body slowly. Then rubbing massage oil all over their muscular builds. Reiji giggles like a pervert and gets a nose bleed. Reiji quirps "I wonder if they'll use whipped cream?

Reiji pants as he watches the screen. He sees Farfarello sprawled on the bed gently pulling at Schuldig's long locks. Schuldig embraces Farfarello, their lips inches apart. Schuldig then whispers softly to the other man as he knocks over a box of bandanas to the ground. Both men bend over to pick up the bandana's and it looks like the two share a kiss. Reiji stares in total amazement. "Ooh my! Is it getting hot in here?"  Reiji unbuttons his suit and continues to watch Farfarello play with Schuldig's hair.  Reiji then observes the two men leaving the room. "No! Not again! I won't let you escape this time, not when it was getting good!" Where did they go?! Where did they go?!" Takatori flips through all the camera's and finally spots the two in the bathroom.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

In reality Shuichi is brushing out Hiro's hair. "Wow Hiro! This guy must take nice care of his hair. It's so soft and silky unlike mine." He strokes a piece and marvels at the difference. 

Hiro replies "You might be right about that Shuichi-kun. (hic up) When I was looking in the bathroom I saw all these different kinds of combs, brushes and hair products.

 "It reminded me a lot of Ayaka's bathroom." Hiro starts to get teary-eyed and grabs onto Shuichi in his drunken state. (sob) "I hate you Eiri! Do you hear me! When I return back to normal . . . 

(Hiro accidentally knocks over the box of bandanas.) Both men bend over to pick them up. Shuichi squeals "Cool! They're so many colors maybe I'll use  . . . "Shuichi picks out four mismatched bandanas. They bump foreheads with one another while gathering up the rest of the bandanas. Shuichi continues to work on Hiro's hair creation. "Voila! I'm finished! What do you think Hiro?"

Both men head to the bathroom and Hiro looks in the mirror and smiles "This looks great Shuichi-kun! You should become a hairdresser!"  Because neither man is thinking straight due to the alcohol, Shuichi comes up with an odd request. "Normally I wouldn't do this Hiro, but since this isn't my body I have something I want to show you. Shuichi pulls off his shorts. "Have you ever seen anything like this before?" 

Hiro stares in amazement "Whoo I didn't know it was possible to have one that big! I thought the one I had was the Mac Daddy! Let me get a measuring tape. I saw one on the nightstand, it's was an odd place to keep one but it will only take a second." Hiro goes back to the bedroom and retrieves the measuring tape.

He volunteers to measure Shuichi first. Hiro bends down on his knees and is having trouble sitting up straight. He weaves back and forth and bobs up and down while trying to hold the tape steady. Hiro complains "Shuichi hold still! I can't get an accurate measurement." Shuichi giggles "I would Hiro, but your hair keeps tickling me. Wait until it's your turn."  Hiro finishes measuring and stands up "Wow! 16 inches! This guy's a freak of nature!"

Shuichi exclaims "16 inches? That's more than double my normal size! I wish I could show this to Yuki! He'd be jealous. Okay Hiro it's your turn, give me the measuring tape!"

Hiro agrees and pulls down his pants. Shuichi gets in the same position and proceeds to measure. He has an easier time doing this than Hiro did so it doesn't take long. "Whoa Hiro! Yours is pretty big too! I bet Ayaka-chan would be happy to see you right now. (He elbows Hiro in the rib and almost causes him to fall) Hiro asks "Well? What is it?" Shuichi smirks "Not bad! Not bad at all! A whopping 12 inches!"

 Hiro glows proudly while he and Shuichi dance around. Both men forget to pull up their pants while they are doing this. Hiro stops and gives Shuichi a high five as they remember to pull up their pants. "I never imaged having one this big before, I find it strange that both of these men would have big . . . ahem . . . You don't suppose that's a requirement for working here do you Shuichi?"

Shuichi offers his two cents "Maybe the old man has a fetish and hold auditions. You can only work here if you have a big enough . . . I'd really like to see Sakano's and Suguru's . . . Maybe theirs are bigger than ours." (Thinks for a moment) "Then again, maybe not? .  .  . Ours are pretty outrageous to begin with." 

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Warnning! Reading this section might cause severe nightmares

Reiji continues on with his wanton fantasies as he watches the two men in the bathroom. He zooms in on the two and notices Farfarello with his pants down and catches a glimpse of orange hair bobbing up and down. "Is Schuldig doing what I think he is?" Reiji circles the camera trying to get a better view but can't see anything clearly. Reiji eyes the mouth movements of Farfarello which appear to be letting out a moan. 

Reiji is very aroused by the two. He finds it hard to breathe as he watches Schuldig giving Farfarello head. He unzips his pants and starts fondling himself. (EWWWW I don't want to think about Reiji doing this!) "I never knew watching two guys together would be so exciting!" Drool pours from the side of his mouth as he continues watching and pleasuring himself. He cheers them on "Yeah, Yeah, Baby yeah! Show me more! Show me more!

 The two men stop much to Reiji's dismay.  But then he notices Farfarello getting into position and Schuldig pulling down his pants. "I bet this won't take long with those luscious lips of his." (Fantasizing about Farfarello wrapping them around his male member.)

 Reiji remembers he needs to adjust his log as he records. "New development!!! No wonder Schuldig wasn't doing anything with women, he's into men! I'll have to change his profile!"  Right to Reiji's predictions the event does not last long. Schuldig and Farfarello begin dancing around and face the camera giving Reiji a clear view of the goods. He gets startled and falls off his chair. "Holy Mackerel! He's bigger than Schuldig! I can see who's the one in charge, in this relationship! Look at the size of that thing! I should put more cameras in Farfarello's room! I never knew how sexy he could be." 

There is a knock at the door but Reiji is distracted. The door flings open and Reiji screams while trying to cover up himself and the T.V. screens. The same two armed men from earlier, look at each other in horror. "We really need to find another job!" As they turn around and wait for Takatori to zip up his pants.  Not looking they address him "Umm Sir, we're here to remind you of the press meeting in the morning. It's been changed to 7:00 am. We won't bother you anymore tonight. Continue on with your business. (They cough at Takatori. )

Hey wait! Damn! And this was getting good too! You two, I want you to give these instructions to "Schwarz!" We have a time schedule that can't be missed . . . (Reiji smiles darkly while thinking of the mission) Yes Weiß will be in for a big surprise.


End file.
